After much prayer and meditation, I had began to find some resolve working with MOFO. While he still isn't my favorite person, I've began to feel a great deal of pity for him because he seemed, at his core, to be clueless to the world around him. When he walked into a room, what would be apparent to the average person was oblivious to him -- due to what I suspect is an over-sized ego that has disabled him from seeing anything but his inflated perception of himself. So things at work had been manageable until a Board meeting where I realized that MOFO was out of his pure African-American mind.
As he sat around a table of 12 Board members he rammed his fist down and said, "You all do not do anything! You serve no purpose! I have to run this organization by myself!"
He continued, "I've had to beg my Program Manager [that would be me] not to quit because you all are not doing anything!"
I sat across the table from him during this 25 minute rant and tried to dream of a place far, far away.
After the meeting, I could tell that MOFO was pleased with himself and all I could think was that "this guy really doesn't get it." Moreover, a number of things about the meeting had ticked me off but I had decided to blow if off because the fact of the matter was that I didn't care that much to mention it anyway.
Sunday night, as I began to mentally prepare for work, I decided that I would have a sit down talk with MOFO because he clearly had no idea that he was an asshole. As I contemplated this talk, I felt confident that this was something that I had to do because perhaps this was the sole reason God had placed me in his path? Maybe it was I who was supposed to give MOFO a glimpse into the dungeon called his soul or at least give give him a head's up that he was making alot of enemies on his way to the "top".
On Monday morning I waited patiently for two hours for MOFO to walk in so I could ask him if we could talk. When he wasn't in the office by 11:00 am I decided to write him a letter. After a quick prayer and a glass of hot chocolate, I began to write my thoughts...
Dear ["MOFO"] –
I wanted to touch base with you about a few things from the Board meeting (and general matters) that were on my mind. These are simply my reactions and opinion for you to consider but I felt that I should at least share my perspective with you.
On Chastising the Board:
While I understand your desire to move the Board to action, I think you must reconsider your current methods. To date, I have observed you chastise the Board, individually and collectively, on several occasions and I must say that I think that is the wrong approach. At its core, you must remember you are speaking to adults and not children. A heavy handed approach will not provoke people to act, complaining will not provoke people to act, passing the blame will not provoke people to act. Essentially, I believe you have to meet people where they are (and as Marty appropriately pointed out) inspire them to act. I have some thoughts on how to readjust the working groups projects and will share them when we meet.
On the Work-plan:
During the Board meeting you emphasized that you put together the work plan “singlehandedly” by yourself. I was surprised to hear this considering I worked 3 days on it. Nevertheless, it’s something that I bring to your attention because you have done it several times in the past. While it may not be intentional, I hope that in the future you become conscious of it because for better or worse, when people give you their work product they take pride it in. This isn’t as much an issue of giving credit as it is about not miscrediting work products.
Moreover, the work plan that was reviewed by the LISC and the Board comes with parameters. Much of my frustration and hesitation in putting one together is that I did not want it to be an exercise in futility. We have set strategic goals, had the Board approve strategic goals, but in the end --- still operated in a chaotic state, picking up projects that we don’t have the capacity to implement. My hope is that the work plan that was put together will be respected and adhered to. All that should be left for “us” to do it was put a timeline and staffing needs to the actions. But if a project isn’t listed on there – it shouldn’t be picked up. I understand this may be difficult with the Alderman’s expectations of the Consortium as his campaign revs up but I think that is something that you will have to work very hard to manage. If you don’t, then I think capacity and frustration will continue to be an issue, whether it’s me that you are working with or someone else.
On begging me to stay:
I really thought it was inappropriate to discuss any misgivings I have about this job with the Board. Not only did it compromise their perception of me but in the short term it could potentially compromised their perception of the organization to effectively do its work. Moreover, any decision that I make to leave or stay with the Consortium will be because of my personal feelings and professional goals – not because of the Board. To make them think it would be because of them was a little disingenuous.
On women:
Many times you come off as chauvinistic. Many times I have seen you over talk women, disregard their opinions, and minimize their professional input. I bring this to your attention because I don’t think that you are aware of it but would be more than open to talking to you about this whenever.
So I apologize for putting all of this on you on Monday. Mondays are definitely bad enough. However, I believe that I owe it to you to be as honest as possible during the time that I am working for the Consortium. My intention is truly not to frustrate or anger but to give you some things to think about as a professional and as the person running this organization.
Kirstin
I didn't think before I pressed "send". Although I had promised my close friend Joy that I would run every confrontation email by her since 2003, I knew that I had to send the letter at that very moment. I was less worried about getting fired than I was about grammatical errors. I would hate for him to miss the points that I was trying to make because my touch of dyslexia was kicking it. Nevertheless, I sent it and just prayed that he would receive it with an open mind.
Once MOFO finally came into the office, I was on my way to a meeting downtown but was sure to tell him to check his email. Once I returned to the office he asked if we could meet to discuss the things that I had written.
After much justification for his actions, MOFO said the only part of the letter that he couldn't appreciate was the "Chauvinistic part". I told him that if there was one part of the letter that I felt that I had to write that it was the "Chauvinistic part". He looked like was going to cry and at that moment I began to feel really bad. But just when I was going to apologize for the harshness of my letter he said, "I think I understand...I think...I think I just need to be MORE of a politician."
All I could do was shake my head.
It wasn't my job to judge him -- only to give him a glimpse of how many perceived him -- but I surely wasn't going to hold my breathe for him to change either.
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