"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"

A random bit of inspiration from my favorite author, Paulo Coehlo:

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting......Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up.... [At this point] Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

Why I really started this blog...

The truth is, I didn't EXACTLY start this blog for my baby. It was really for Alicia Keys!

Don't get me wrong, I had always planned on documenting my journey privately, but it was a nationwide contest to be the head blogger for a new website called, "I AM A SUPER WOMAN.COM" that led my sister to convince me to try to apply.

As I read the details of the contest rules I knew that I would be perfect for the head blogger position. Somehow, it felt like the universe was really coming together to answer my prayers and I just knew that this job would be mine!

Though I didn't TECHNICALLY have a blog up and running, I knew that I had enough random writings to develop two websites - one political and one personal - which would surely let the judges know that I was funny, smart, and sassy.

Over the course of 4 weeks I began to build my baby blog and by May 3rd at 5:30 pm I was ready to submit my resume and blog for consideration.

My cover letter was ready.
My resume was ready.
And my blog sample was ready.

I prayed one time for favor and went to press "SEND".

The message, "ERROR -- PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER", popped up on the screen.

I tried again three more times and to my horror the following message popped up on the computer.

"THIS JOB IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE."

I was crushed. Kind of.

The fact is that I waited until the last day to apply. Not only did I wait until the last day, but I waited until the last day AFTER I got home from work to apply. Subconsciously I recognized that I psyched myself out before I even applied and by waiting until the last minute, I could more fully except it if I didn't get the job.

Nevertheless, I search the internet until i found three publicists who worked for AK worldwide and sent my package to them just to make myself feel better. While I obviously didn't get the job, I am glad that I started this blog and I am choosing to believe that everything happens for a reason and that no effort is ever wasted because the intention will always perfect the action. (Thanks for that inspiration Angela R!)

The Cover Letter (That Wasn't)...


Title:
Yes, this is the last day to enter…but YOU SHOULD REALLY PICK ME!

By:

Kirstin Williams Smith
(Wife, Mother-to-be, Friend, Sister, Politico, Comedian, Fashionista, etc.)

May 3, 2010

Dear Sir or Madaam:

Before you dismiss this email because it was submitted on the last day of the open call, please reconsider because simply put, I was scared. How does one submit a resume to Alicia Keys for their dream job? A job, mind you, that isn’t what you went to school for, have a vast amount of experience in, nor have a plentiful portfolio to represent you. But a job, nonetheless, that you know is meant for you?
The truth is that it isn’t easy to go after our dreams because oftentimes we can defeat ourselves before we even try. Nevertheless, for better or worse, here I am taking a giant leap of faith.

So who IS this chick that is rambling on you might ask?

My resume would tell you that I am a pretty smart cookie with an educational background from two of the best schools in the country. While this is true and I am proud of what I have experienced and accomplished, like so many women, there is much more to me than meets the eye.

The fact is that I am a wife, a mother-to-be, a sister, and friend. I am a pseudo-comedian, a quasi-politico, and a very bootleg sports fan (as I only follow my city’s sports team when they are winning).

I have experienced heartbreak, the pain of losing a best friend to malaria, and the worry of almost losing a father on two occasions.

So who am I you ask? I am a superwoman.

I am a superwoman because I embody the joy, happiness, struggles, and tribulations that so many other women live every single moment of every single day.

I ask for consideration of this job not because I am different but precisely because I recognize that I am no different than any other woman who refuses to settle for anything less than pure happiness. The woman to represent your organization and website should be able to speak across class, race, faith, and economic lines and I know that I can do just that.

So again, forgive me for submitting this at the final hour because I suffered from a little bit of hesitation and doubt. That merely makes me a fallible human and the truth is that most women can relate to that too.

With Love, Peace, and Hope.

Praying for a path, a purpose, and a career away from politicians...

Before I began working at my current job at a non profit, I worked for the State of Illinois, consulted for the City of Chicago, and researched for a think-thank of business and civic leaders in the City. While each job brought with it it own share of pros and cons, it's probably fair to say that I deeply and sincerely hated each one. The State of Illinois government is just as illegal as most of the world thinks it is...so much so that people don't even know when they are doing something illegal. The city operates a little bit differently, we are "lucky" enough to live under a one party system of "Daleydemocrats" and everyone who is supposed to be asking questions on behalf of Chicago's residents usually don't -- and the Chicago machine continues to chug away. People in Chicago and Illinois know that our politicians are inherently corrupt but as long as the garbage continues to get picked up everyday -- most people are willing to look the other way.

So I became jaded. And in hopes of finding myself, and my passion, and my purpose, I sought to find a wholesome, fulfilling job and ended up working for an inspiring politician (which is the only thing worse than a real politician).

So here I am pregnant, working for a coon, at an organization with no real benefits on the corner of "don't get shot" and "don't get robbed." Though I've always considered myself an achiever - where I find myself right now just doesn't seem to make sense. After 6 years of schooling and 5 years of work, I have no desire to do what I am currently doing. More than that, I cant believe that I am 29 years old and that I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

...So everyday, with hormones raging I enter into the mice-infested office and wonder what the he*ll I was thinking by deciding to take this job and pondering what lesson could God possibly be trying to teach me.

What sucks the most is that I have to "announce my pregnancy" to my director and the alderman, who is the Chairman of our Board, which seems dumb considering I didn't have to ask for their permission to have sex or get pregnant. Moreover, I don't want to tell them and then they create a maternity plan for me and in the end, I'll HAVE to come back after the baby is born   

Which leads me to this - at some point I think every woman panics when she finds out that she is pregnant. Even with the most secure job, in the most profitable industry, when a woman becomes pregnant the weight of becoming responsible for another life hits you like a ton of bricks. Because you want to provide the best way of life for your child, you have no choice but to evaluate yourself and your life in effort to become the best YOU for another living being. When embarking upon this road, it's scary (at least it has been for me) because suddenly nothing seems certain or clear and you wonder how in the world things are all going to come together. But in that very moment, if you allow it, I believe that God speaks to us.

I think that expression "God protects babies and fools" attempts to explain God's preference in helping people who recognize their own inability to help themselves. Perhaps this is why God often is most visible in our most vulnerable moments of our lives -- to remind us that when we try to do things our own way, we are merely getting in his way.  In those moments, we are more willing to "see" him and let him take the reigns of our situations and our lives.