Praying for a path, a purpose, and a career away from politicians...

Before I began working at my current job at a non profit, I worked for the State of Illinois, consulted for the City of Chicago, and researched for a think-thank of business and civic leaders in the City. While each job brought with it it own share of pros and cons, it's probably fair to say that I deeply and sincerely hated each one. The State of Illinois government is just as illegal as most of the world thinks it is...so much so that people don't even know when they are doing something illegal. The city operates a little bit differently, we are "lucky" enough to live under a one party system of "Daleydemocrats" and everyone who is supposed to be asking questions on behalf of Chicago's residents usually don't -- and the Chicago machine continues to chug away. People in Chicago and Illinois know that our politicians are inherently corrupt but as long as the garbage continues to get picked up everyday -- most people are willing to look the other way.

So I became jaded. And in hopes of finding myself, and my passion, and my purpose, I sought to find a wholesome, fulfilling job and ended up working for an inspiring politician (which is the only thing worse than a real politician).

So here I am pregnant, working for a coon, at an organization with no real benefits on the corner of "don't get shot" and "don't get robbed." Though I've always considered myself an achiever - where I find myself right now just doesn't seem to make sense. After 6 years of schooling and 5 years of work, I have no desire to do what I am currently doing. More than that, I cant believe that I am 29 years old and that I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

...So everyday, with hormones raging I enter into the mice-infested office and wonder what the he*ll I was thinking by deciding to take this job and pondering what lesson could God possibly be trying to teach me.

What sucks the most is that I have to "announce my pregnancy" to my director and the alderman, who is the Chairman of our Board, which seems dumb considering I didn't have to ask for their permission to have sex or get pregnant. Moreover, I don't want to tell them and then they create a maternity plan for me and in the end, I'll HAVE to come back after the baby is born   

Which leads me to this - at some point I think every woman panics when she finds out that she is pregnant. Even with the most secure job, in the most profitable industry, when a woman becomes pregnant the weight of becoming responsible for another life hits you like a ton of bricks. Because you want to provide the best way of life for your child, you have no choice but to evaluate yourself and your life in effort to become the best YOU for another living being. When embarking upon this road, it's scary (at least it has been for me) because suddenly nothing seems certain or clear and you wonder how in the world things are all going to come together. But in that very moment, if you allow it, I believe that God speaks to us.

I think that expression "God protects babies and fools" attempts to explain God's preference in helping people who recognize their own inability to help themselves. Perhaps this is why God often is most visible in our most vulnerable moments of our lives -- to remind us that when we try to do things our own way, we are merely getting in his way.  In those moments, we are more willing to "see" him and let him take the reigns of our situations and our lives.