T-1 month!

Next week I will be 36 weeks into my pregnancy - which means that I only have one more month to go! I've decided, after much prayer, that once I get to 37 weeks (when the baby is fully developed) that I will use everything in God's disposal to help move this pregnancy along. I will eat avocados, I will drink aloe vera juice and cod liver oil, I will have wild and crazy sex, and I will do exotic and challenging yoga poses to help open up my pelvis and encourage Teddy to give a good kick to my uterus so that we can get this party started.

Okay, I'm actually just kidding but I am really over this pregnancy thing. As I look back over the past eight months, I thank God for blessing me with a non-complicated blessed pregnancy. I suspect that God, knowing me better than I know myself, knew that the changing physicality of my body would be enough for me to wrap my mind around and blessed me with a little baby that would take it easy on me.

So I'm grateful to God and I don't want to complain... yet I'm wondering how much more my body can take. I can't imagine how much larger my belly can grow and I'm not quite sure how much longer my spirit can go without a drink.

At times my nerves get so bad that I think I'm about to cry for no reason, but luckily I tell myself that its my hormones before I am inclined to kick Pat and Capone out of the house.

I deep clean my house about 2-3 times a week and I don't know if Capone knows that if he pees one more time on my fern plant that I am going to take him to get euthanized. I've shampooed the carpet in our apartment four times in the past two weeks and like clock-work, by day three Capone will come wagging his tail in front of me, pause, pee in my face, and run into his cage knowing that he has destroyed my sense of a bacteria-free home. He just doesn't know how close he is to becoming a bar of doggie soap.

Although I can't stop cleaning, I have stopped cooking and if Pat doesn't feel like feeding us then I have no problem fixing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the night. In fact, I LOVE TOASTED PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES now and would kinda prefer if that's all I ate until the baby came regardless of what anyone thinks about it!

My pregnancy brain has made me a complete fool. I forget everything! On several occasions when I've gone to the doctor and had to pee in a cup, I go into the bathroom, pee in the toilet and don't realize until I wash my hands and see the plastic cup on the mirror that I've forgotten to do the most simple task that a pregnant woman could be asked to do.

I'm still losing my car in the parking lot every time I go shopping and now my vocabulary is suffering so bad that in meetings I commonly refer to sayings like, " I guess the...uhm, I guess, the doggies have come home to bark." My current state of affairs is just sad.

I know I sound crazy. I'm sleep deprived, big as an elephant, and unphotographable. I'm just tired so pray that I make it through the rest of this pregnancy in one piece.