"MOFO"/ Jesus take the wheel (part one)

It all started one day when I was driving to work and I realized that I was singing a negro spiritual...

"Jesus on the mainline, tell him what you want...
oh! Jesus on the main line, tell him what you want..."

This song is always a sign of an emotional breakdown on the horizon so when I pulled into the parking lot, I turned off my car and simply said, "Jesus give me the strength" before collecting my things and walking inside the building.

It was a Monday morning, which is always hard for me because at 10:00 a.m. my boss (who I will refer to as "MOFO") and I have a meeting to discuss the priorities for the week.

"So I was thinking," MOFO started, "if we do this right, in a year, we will be able to set our own salaries. Cause there's nobody in the game doing the type of work and policy analysis that we doing. If we do this right, we are going to monopolize the urban agribusiness market in Chicago. Cause ain't no white man coming into my community to exploit my land..."

Jesus, be a fence...ooo, Jesus be a fence!, I began to sing in my head.

It's too early for this sh*t, I told myself but nothing that I tried could stop the aggravation of hearing MOFO talk.

I tried my usual apathetic response of, "Yeah, I hear ya."

I tried my blank catatonic stare.

I tried working on my weekly "to-do" list while MOFO talked...but 1 hour and 10 minutes later there we were - still in the conference room, having this bootleg staff meeting.

To me, MOFO symbolized all things that was wrong with the future of the planet Earth and I began to wonder who the hell I killed in a previous life for my karma to lead me to this job.

Have you ever been so desperate for a word from God that you were certain that Jesus needed to come down through the clouds, sit down at your coffee table, and have a sip of chamomile tea with you? Or at least appear to you in a dream -- perhaps as a bright blinding light or a large talking lamb? Well, that's exactly how I felt that day.

Luckily, Revival had been going on at my church and I decided to be there at 7:00 o'clock (on the dot) because I knew that I was spiritually running on fumes and needed to get it together; if not for myself then for the baby.